Why Connection Matters

From the moment we are born, we seek connection to others – to our mothers, fathers and caregivers – to feel safe and loved. It has been said that this is a primal tool used by humans to survive, and while this is true, if we dig a little deeper, we see that this need to connect to others is complex and nuanced.

As we age, it is also driven by the need to be seen, the need to belong, the need to be accepted and the need to be part of something bigger than ourselves.

The health benefits of being connected to and in relationships with others are well documented. So, what happens when those connections are lost, and why is this lack of connection so prevalent in our world today? So commonplace, in fact, that in some countries governments are putting money into researching something called the Loneliness Pandemic.

In broad terms, loneliness is a subjective feeling of social isolation or the perception of being alone and lacking meaningful relationships. It is my guess that humans have felt loneliness since the beginning of time, due to the need for connection being so deeply rooted in our survival system within the brain. Why, then, is there such a stigma attached to it? It’s seldom mentioned openly due to this idea that loneliness is a sign of weakness or personal failure.

Conversely, I can imagine that most of us have felt lonely at some point but held off telling people due to a feeling of shame. The problem with this is that while loneliness is hidden, we will continue to experience many of its negative impacts, both on physical and mental health. These include weakened immune systems, reduced sleep quality, reduced physical activity, anxiety, cognitive decline and increased use of substances, to name but a few.

So how do we push through these stereotypes and work towards creating better connections? Firstly, we need to raise awareness about loneliness and its negative impacts. Changes to the way people live and work has crept in without us even realising, partly caused by living through a world pandemic. Working from home was a necessity for safety but has become, in some ways, more comfortable than getting out and reaching out to others.

Secondly, admitting to ourselves that we are lonely is important. Thirdly, we need to step out of that comfort zone that the long-gone lockdowns created – join a group, seek out activities in your community, and even when you’d rather curl up on the sofa, alone with a bar of chocolate and binge on Netflix, push yourself to get out and connect. Fourthly, if you are aware that you are lonely and feel stuck, you need to be active in seeking connection. So seek, schedule and act, even when it’s tough to do so. Simply be the friend you seek, reach out to others and be what you’d love to have. This attitude may help grow long-lasting connections, and you never know who else is feeling as you do, but is too scared to reach out.